Speakers Corner
CANCELLING A NIGHT OUT BY TEXT MESSAGE? QUEUE-JUMPING AT THE SUPERMARKET? MAKING HURTFUL COMMENTS OVER THE HEDGE? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OLD-FASHIONED GOOD MANNERS, ASKS ADELE PARKS AM I JUST GETTING OLD or is the world a ruder place than it used to be? I can’t be alone in believing that good manners cost nothing and [...]
CANCELLING A NIGHT OUT BY
TEXT MESSAGE? QUEUE-JUMPING AT THE SUPERMARKET? MAKING HURTFUL COMMENTS
OVER THE HEDGE? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO OLD-FASHIONED GOOD MANNERS, ASKS
ADELE PARKS
alt="ADELE PARKS" class="picleft">
JUST GETTING OLD
or is the world a ruder
place than it used to be? I can’t be alone in believing
that good manners cost nothing and yet remain
precious not least because they’re such a rare
commodity. But I’ve probably got this bleak view
after a day like the one I had today.
I’m not unrealistic; I don’t expect to have a giggle
when I’m at the supermarket for my boring weekly
shop. But a dull experience becomes a soul-destroying
one when examples of rudeness are more abundant
than buy-one-get-one-free offers. I was practically
lynched when someone made a desperate bid to
secure a trolley (I didn’t even want one I wasn’t a
threat!). Someone else was bellowing into her phone
about last night’s conquest. A third pushed in at the
checkout; she had a trolley full of groceries even
though the sign clearly stated, “Five items or fewer”.
Finally, the girl behind the till failed to acknowledge
my existence, let alone reply to my cheery “Hello”.
She probably thought I was being sarcastic.
In the car park I bumped into a vague
acquaintance. Without so much as a
normal pleasantry, he asked me how
much my house had cost. Honestly.
Back home, as I unpacked my shopping,
a neighbour took it upon himself to call
over the fence and pass personal
comment on my child: “He’s small for
his age, isn’t he?” I could have responded:
“And you, sir, are bald.” But I wouldn’t
dream of stating the obvious. Children
have ears and feelings too.
As I hurried around the house this
evening, waving the mascara wand
with one hand and emptying the
dishwasher with the other, I heard the
ping of an incoming text. Before I even
read the message I’d guessed that
my night out was being cancelled.
People use text messaging to avoid
responsibilities even though it’s
rude and cowardly. Cancelling an
appointment with a friend at the
last minute demands a phone call.
Finishing a relationship? What happened to a face-to-
face where you insist: “It’s not your fault; it’s mine”?
I could go on but if I do, I’m on course to have all
my friends cancelling dates. Why have good manners
died? Could it be that nowadays everyone is so busy
trying to remember the names of the contestants on
the latest reality TV show that the marvellous old-
fashioned stuff our mothers incessantly repeated has
been clean forgotten? What a pity because it still
holds true: manners do make the man (or woman or
child come to that). Many an ordinary bloke can be
upgraded to charming just because he opens the car
door for his date or insists on standing between her
and the traffic in order to catch the slosh of a puddle
if a (rude) driver speeds by.
Good manners define a society and reduce conflict.
Having good manners means thinking of others;
treating others as we would like to be treated. I have
a feeling that we’re now so very aware of our “rights”
that we no longer know what is right.
What is to be done? Delivering cutting
comebacks for rude behaviour is
tempting but is quite a high-risk strategy
in this world where road rage can
culminate in verbal abuse or, worse,
assault. I’ve found that the only effective
resort to rudeness is plastering on a
broad, polite smile and standing firm.
alt="Adele Parks, Young Wives' Tales" class="picleft">So
when you reach for your overhead
luggage and someone elbows you in the
face, then stands on your foot in a
frenzied dash to be the first out, don’t
stick out your foot to trip him up.
Instead, simply smile and say in a loud
voice: “After you, I insist. You’re clearly in
a hurry so I wish you the best of luck in
the business you’re attending today.”
You might just shame the rudie into
better behaviour next time. At the very
least, you’ll raise a smile on the faces
of the other passengers.
Young
Wives’ Tales by Adele Parks is
out now (Michael Joseph, £12.99)
